The Journey

Shirley and I are two of the most blessed people on earth. We are counted among that special group of people called “Grand-Parents.” Even more than that, we are among the inner circle of these people because we have been so very fortunate to have been able to care for our grandchildren, in our home, from the day their mom went back to work till they went off to middle school. Even when I was appointed to churches in Eden and Winston Salem, Shirley would drive to Greensboro five days a week to care for the kids. After retiring and moving back to Greensboro, we still picked them up at school and brought them to their home where they were greeted by their dad.

It has been a beautiful and blessed ride. Being with your grandkids are magical days filled with laughter, hugs, tears and many surprises. We would move from dancing with the “Wild Thing” tiger, putting a bowl of spaghetti-o’s on your head, sliding on the Slip ‘N Slide, constructing large buildings with Legos, or walking the runway in your princess crown and magic wand.

One of those special days found Shirley, Abby (our granddaughter) and me running some errands. We stopped at this little strip-shopping center, so Shirley could run in and do her shopping while Abby and I waited in the car. 

Abby is about four years old. As she is sitting in her car seat everything is quiet and peaceful… and then Abby asks this very leading question: “PaPaw, can this be a toy day?” I knew she was really asking: “Can we go somewhere and you buy me a toy?” Trying not to get her hopes up I responded: “I don’t make those decisions.” Quickly she adds “Who does?” I think I am deflecting the question by answering “MaMaw does.” There is this eerie silence coming from the back seat… I can almost hear the gears of this four-year-old “female” brain rapidly spinning. Finally, the silence is broken by her conclusion: “Then you and Noah are sergeants.” 

I almost got a whiplash in my neck as I quickly turned to face her and with great surprise asked: “What??? What do you mean by saying that Noah and I are like sergeants?” She explains: “Sergeants do what they’re told. You and Noah do what you’re told… You are worker bees.” Being really confused by now, I ask: “How are we like worker bees.” She very self-assuredly said: “Worker bees do whatever the queen bee wants them to do.” Feeling like I am in the presence of a Nobel Laureate, I ask for clarification: “What exactly do worker bees do?” Apparently knowing what she is talking about she says: “They keep the hive clean, get and bring the Queen food. So, you and Noah are sergeants… you do whatever the queen wants.” 

My jaw dropped. I laid my head on the steering wheel as I sat there amazed at being able to witness the workings of a four-year-old female brain. I thought to myself: If a four-year-old little girl already thinks this way then… men, we don’t have a chance!

Grace and Peace
Steve

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“How do you account for your remarkable accomplishment in life?” Queen Victoria of England asked Helen Keller. “How do you explain the fact that even though you were both blind and deaf, you were able to accomplish so much?”

Ms. Keller’s answer is a tribute to her dedicated teacher. “If it had not been for Anne Sullivan, the name of Helen Keller would have remained unknown.”

“Little Annie” Sullivan, as she was called when she was young, was no stranger to hardship. She was almost sightless herself, due to a childhood infection at the age of five. Her mother died three years later and her father left the children when she was ten. She and her younger brother were sent to an overcrowded home for the destitute where her brother Jimmie died in a couple of months. Little Annie was, at one time, considered hopelessly “insane” by her caregivers and locked in the basement. On occasion, she would violently attack anyone who came near. Most of the time she generally ignored everyone in her presence.

An elderly nurse believed there was hope, however, and she made it her mission to show love to the child. Every day she visited Little Annie. For the most part, the child did not acknowledge the nurse’s presence, but she still continued to visit. The kindly woman left cookies for her and spoke words of love and encouragement. She believed Little Annie could recover, if only she were shown love.

Eventually, doctors noticed a change in the girl. Where they once witnessed anger and hostility, they now noted an emerging gentleness and love. They moved her upstairs where she continued to improve. She was finally released to attend Perkins School for the Blind in Boston, Massachusetts, where she would learn to read and write. She struggled against a multitude of odds but was determined to learn. Anne eventually graduated as valedictorian of her class.

Anne Sullivan grew into a young woman with a desire to help others as she, herself, was helped by the loving nurse. It was she who saw the great potential in Helen Keller. She cared for her, disciplined her, played with her, pushed her, and worked with her until the flickering candle that was her life became a beacon of light to the world. Anne Sullivan worked wonders in Helen’s life, but it was an unknown nurse who first believed in Little Annie and patiently transformed an angry, grief-stricken child into a compassionate teacher.

“If it had not been for Anne Sullivan, the name of Helen Keller would have remained unknown.” But if it had not been for a kind and dedicated nurse, the name of Anne Sullivan would have also remained unknown. And so it goes. Just how far back does the chain of redemption extend? And how for forward will it lead?

Those you have sought to reach, whether they be in your family or elsewhere, are part of a chain of love that can extend through the generations. Your influence on their lives, whether or not you see results, is immeasurable. Your legacy of dedicated kindness and caring can transform lost and hopeless lives for years to come.

Do you want a life that makes a difference? Never overestimate the power of your love. It is a fire that, once lit, may burn forever.

Grace and Peace
Steve

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Bonnie Tyler sings the words many people feel: “I Need A Hero.” Do you know a hero. Some think they are Seal Team (and I agree) while other say they are part of America’s finest, the Marines… and many are. Still others have many different definitions of what makes up a hero.

Not every Marine is a hero. During recruit training exercises at Parris Island, South Carolina, one drill instructor threw a pine cone among the recruits and yelled, “Grenade!” The trainees immediately turned away and hit the ground. “Just as I suspected,” chided the drill instructor. “Not a hero among you! Didn’t anyone want to jump on that grenade to save the others?”

A little later the instructor tossed another pine cone and yelled, “Grenade!” This time, all the recruits but one jumped on the “explosive.”

“Why are you still standing there?” the DI demanded.

“Sir,” the recruit replied, “someone had to live to tell about it.”

Not everyone is a hero. But then, not every hero jumps on grenades, pulls terrified children from burning buildings, or wears an impressive uniform. 

Do you know a hero? I am not asking you to simply name a favorite celebrity. There is a difference.

Do you know a hero? I think perhaps you do. Heroes, you see, can be found in some of the most unexpected places. I knew a young mother who was slowly dying of cancer, yet she put aside her pain long enough every day to smile and laugh with her children. She tried hard every day to bring sunshine into the gloomy hospital room when her family was present. And I watched her husband fill the roles of single parent and financial provider, and still spend every remaining moment sitting at his mate’s bedside, valiantly encouraging and offering whatever hope he could muster.

I knew a talented teacher who could have worked at a far more lucrative profession, yet was determined to stay in a disadvantaged school in the hope that she could make a difference in a difficult situation. She did it for her students.

I’ve known other heroes, too. 

You may have noticed – many of the world’s true heroes will never be confused with action figures. Most have never been to battle, competed athletically nor sung in a pop band. But they have faced nearly impossible challenges with unimaginable determination and courage. They found what it takes to bear the unbearable, forgive the unforgivable, love the unlovable, outlast the unendurable or defeat the undefeatable. And often they do it for the sake of others. 

Do you know a hero? Maybe one lives in your home. And perhaps one even looks back at you from the mirror. For it is in everyday battles of the spirit that true wars are fought and won. And it is those real-life heroes who give the rest of us hope and remind us that anything is possible. 

Do you know a hero? I think you do.

Grace and Peace
Steve

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Oh happy day… Abby got her driver’s license. A mixture of excitement and sadness. Excited that she did this… sad that this is just another reminder that she is growing up. We always want to hold and rock and tickle our grandchildren. But they grow up… like they are supposed to… and we old grandparent have to get over it.

I remember way back when I got my license. We didn’t have driver’s Ed except our dad taking us to a big parking lot or an old dirt road and showing us how to drive. Back then the questions on the written test included questions having to do with the right of way between us an another chariot. Does the chariot on the right have the right a way. The answer has to do with how many spears are on the chariot and if they are royalty.

I took my road test in an old 56 Mercury with bad brakes. And one point in our little journey around the streets of Madison the officer said “Slam on the brakes.” The bad brakes didn’t stop the car sufficiently fast enough for him… so I failed. We had to come back once the brakes were repaired. This time when he said “Slam on the brakes” he almost hit his head on the windshield. I passed. The big deal for us… back in the day was the dreaded parallel parking. Most failed on that one.

Abby has had classroom training as well as driving with an instructor (and other students) for quite some time. She also had to get in a certain amount of driving with her parents. It is so neat… she enters her name in the I- phone program each time she drives and it records how far she drives and what time of day. She has requirements about miles driven both day and evening. This program records it and lets the DMV know when she has met the required amount. That is so cool.

We are so proud of Abby in all that she does. Not only did she get her driver’s license, she is academically second in her class, has been an ambassador every year starting with middle school, is in the county and state chorus, acted in Les Mis, played on the soccer, swim, and tennis team. She is just all-around smart and involved in her school.

Congratulations to our favorite granddaughter for always doing her best.

Isn’t that what we want to hear one day: “Well done good and faithful servant.” Abby has also followed in her mother’s footsteps of being a faithful and dedicated member of the church. I hope we all will be able to say the same thing and hear those words: “Well done…”

Grace and Peace
Steve

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We all grow. And, whether we are aware of it or not, we all change. We not only grow physically, we change in other ways. For instance, we grow in our roles. One mother told of how she changed as a parent. She mentioned that when her first baby coughed or sneezed, they’d practically rush her to the hospital. But Mom mellowed over the years. One day her youngest swallowed a dime. No hospital visits. No histrionics. She just said, “You know, don’t you, that the dime will come out of your allowance?”

We grow in our roles. And we grow in other ways also. We grow mentally. I hope we are wiser and more knowledgeable today than we were in the past.

And we grow emotionally. Are you better at handling adversity today? Are you a kinder, more generous person? Do you find it easier to love and forgive? Dr. Karl Menninger said this about love and growth: “We do not fall in love, we grow in love and love grows in us.” Is love growing in you?

We also have the chance to grow in another important way — spiritually. I hope your spirituality is not the same as it was when you were a child. You probably discovered that the spirituality that worked so well for you back then no longer satisfies. 

Many children were taught to pray something like this: “Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray thee Lord my soul to keep. And if I die before I wake, I pray thee Lord my soul to take.” (Actually, that prayer is a  little brutal when you think about it and I’m told that it originated from a time when plagues swept Europe and children feared that they indeed may not awaken from sleep.) But, if you’re like most people, your spirituality matured as you grew up. A child may pray, “Give me…” or “Help me…” When he/she becomes an adult, he/she may find he/herself more often praying, “Use me….” or simply “Thank you.”

We never stop growing and changing. We grow firmer or more flexible in our attitudes. We develop new skills and abilities. We grow in vision and we grow in confidence. We may also change in negative ways if we’re not careful. We may grow more fearful, more cynical or insensitive to others. We may even find ourselves becoming people we don’t like very much. Life is all about growing and changing. If you’re not in the process of becoming the person you want to be, you are in the process of becoming someone you had no intention of being. 

I find one question that, if asked repeatedly, has an amazing power to put intentional growth on the fast track. This one question, more than anything else, can help you take control of how you will grow and change. The question is, “What would the person I want to become do in this situation?” That question alone will help you make different decisions, change the way you act and even change the way you think. That one question, asked regularly, may be the single most important way to take control of how you will grow in body, mind, emotions and spirit. It seems to work something like this:

What if you are one of the millions who have lost their jobs or suffered a serious financial setback in this pandemic turmoil? You might want to just give up. Instead, ask the question, “What would the person I want to become do in this situation?” Then decide to do it. You may not feel at all hopeful. You may even be afraid. But if the person you want to become is an optimistic and courageous person, you might decide not to react in fear. Instead, you might act as if you had no fear of failure and courageously put yourself out there for new opportunities instead of wasting time on regrets, depression or fearful inaction.

Or how about this? Let’s say you were betrayed or somehow deeply hurt by a trusted friend or relative. You may want to strike back in an equally hurtful way, or simply have nothing to do with her anymore. Instead, ask the question, “What would the person I want to become do in this situation?” Then act on that answer. You probably feel anger and more pain than you care to admit, but but if the person you want to become is an emotionally strong individual, you might decide to act with strength, rather than licking your wounds. You might choose an appropriate way to confront that friend and tell her how you feel, talk the problem through and even be ready to forgive if a valued relationship can be restored.

Asking yourself this question regularly and then acting on your answer will shape you bit by bit into a person you admire and respect. No situation is too big or too small. It works equally well with life’s bigger challenges such as the plight of the poor. But the problems seem overwhelming you feel stymied. As a result, you do little to help. Instead, ask the question, “What would the person I want to become do in this situation?” Then actually do it. If you imagine that the person you want to become is generous and engaged in social problems, you might find a local project and volunteer time and, if possible, money. You would figure out how to make volunteer service and generosity, or even advocacy for the poor, part of your increasingly engaged lifestyle.

I think George Bernard Shaw was right when he said, “Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself.” Creating yourself may be the most vital and important job you do. It is the task of every day. And it is also an important gift you give yourself — the gift of creating the person you want to be. 

Don’t get me wrong. It’s not that you’re not wonderful now. You might be just the person you need to be in this moment. Enjoy yourself. Even celebrate yourself. After all, it took a lifetime to get where you are today! But remember…someone else is waiting ahead — a different version of you. And you have the opportunity to create that person, little by little, every day. “What would the person I want to become do in this situation?”

Grace and Peace
Steve

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A parable tells about a martial artist who kneels before a master sensei in a ceremony to receive the hard-earned Black Belt. After years of relentless training, the student has finally reached a pinnacle of achievement in the discipline.

“Before granting the belt, you must pass one more test,” the sensei solemnly tells the young man.

“I’m ready,” responds the student, expecting perhaps one more round of sparring.

“You must answer the essential question: What is the true meaning of the Black Belt?”

“Why, the end of my journey,” says the student. “A well-deserved reward for my hard work.”

The master waits for more. Clearly, he is not satisfied. The sensei finally speaks: “You are not ready for the Black Belt. Return in one year.”

As the student kneels before his master a year later, he is again asked the question, “What is the true meaning of the Black Belt?”

“It is a symbol of distinction and the highest achievement in our art,” the young man responds.

Again the master waits for more. Still unsatisfied, he says once more: “You are still not ready for the Black Belt. Return in one year.”

A year later the student kneels before his sensei and hears the question, “What is the true meaning of the Black Belt?”

This time he answers, “The Black Belt represents not the end, but the beginning, the start of a never-ending journey of discipline, work and the pursuit of an ever higher standard.”

“Yes,” says the master. “You are now ready to receive the Black Belt and begin your work.”

The Black Belt is not the end of much hard work and practice. It is the beginning of a life-long journey.

You may not be hoping for a Black Belt, but you might be at a crucial point. Maybe you’re facing a life change, perhaps even a painful one. Or maybe you are awaiting something you have worked hard to attain − graduation, a new job, a promotion, or even retirement.

All wise people see that changes can be new beginnings. Change need not be feared. And neither should we be looking for a permanent resting place, for a full and happy life is never stagnant.

How does the change you face represent, not just an ending, but a new beginning in your life’s journey? Are you ready to accept it? 

Grace and Peace
Steve

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A young woman was filling out an application for college when she came across the question: Are you a leader? She thought she had better be brutally honest, so she answered, “No.” She was convinced when she sent the application in that she’d never hear from them because of that answer.
 
But she received a letter back from the school that read: “We have reviewed numerous applications and, to date, there will be some 1,452 new leaders attending school next year. We have decided to accept your application because we felt it was imperative that they have at least one follower.”
 
Should all of us be leaders all of the time? Isn’t there a time to follow as well as lead?
 
One man likes to tell about the day he purchased a novelty sign and hung it on his office door. The sign read: “I’m the boss.” The next day he came to work he noticed that the office comedian affixed a sticky note to his door that read, “Your wife called. She wants her sign back.”
 
He may be the boss at work, but home is different altogether. In marriage and family as well as most social relationships, sometimes we lead and sometimes we follow the lead of another. If the so-called boss happens to be an effective leader at work, he has probably learned that getting his own way all of the time does not produce good results. As it turns out, the best leaders are also excellent followers. Why?
 
1. Good leaders share leadership. They know when to follow and when to lead.
 
2. Good leaders build their skills on following role models for the behaviors they want to learn. What they admire in another, they copy. 
 
3. Good leaders exhibit humility. They remain open to suggestion. When they need it, they ask for help and follow good advice.
 
In other words, good leaders are also good followers. They know when to follow in the footsteps of others and when to leave tracks of their own.
 
You may be the boss, but you will be a leader when you also learn how to follow. 

Grace and Peace
Steve
 

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I once watch a showing of the TV series “What History Forgot” which told the fascinating story about the fabled USS Constitution, a 19th Century American warship affectionately called “Old Ironsides.” During the 1812 conflict between Britain and America, the crew of the Constitution sighted what appeared to be several American ships blockading a harbor. Overnight the ship joined her supposed allies, only to find in the morning that she had closed up with five enemy British vessels.

The worst thing was that there was no wind, making it impossible to sail away again. With the Constitution in deep danger, her captain had to come up with another way of moving. For two days he and the crew crept slowly away from the British ships by sending an anchor ahead in one of the ship’s lifeboats, dropping it, and then using the capstan to pull the ship towards safety. In this fashion, hour after hour the ship inched ever-so-slightly away from the enemy. The arduous work of pulling up anchors from the bottom of the bay, loading them into small boats, rowing impossibly heavy boats toward open sea, wrestling the anchors overboard and towing the ship toward anchor must have been an excruciating and mind-wracking ordeal for the crew – and especially with the enemy so close.

The opposing captains soon realized what the Constitution was doing and employed the same tactic in pursuit. But the American ship had widened the gap just enough that, when wind finally returned, the British were unable to catch her.

In Sydney Smith’s encouraging words, “It is the greatest of all mistakes to do nothing because you can only do little – do what you can.” The crew of the Constitution did what little they could, though it may have seemed almost useless at the time. 

Maybe you feel as if you are stuck – dead in the water. Maybe all you can do is barely move the ship of your life an inch at a time. Maybe it feels as if you are getting nowhere. And maybe it seems that the almost imperceptible movement forward is the hardest thing you’ve ever done.

But will you do nothing because you can only do a little? If one tiny step is all you can take, will you take it today?

Grace and Peace
Steve

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On April 23rd, 2020 our daughter-in-law lost her almost two year battle with ovarian cancer. She fought bravely and faithfully knowing that she was always in God’s hands. Please allow me to share with you what I said at her family graveside service.

Joy Cantrell Martin
Graveside Service
May 4^th, 2020

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On April 23rd, 2020 our daughter-in-law lost her almost two year battle with ovarian cancer. She fought bravely and faithfully knowing that she was always in God’s hands. Please allow me to share with you what I said at her family graveside service.

Joy Cantrell Martin
Graveside Service
May 4^th, 2020

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