Shirley snores – I am sorry – Shirley purrs, and I am told that I snore. We have both awakened ourselves with our own snorts. If you know us you know that neither one of us would do or say anything to hurt the feelings of the other… that is just not us. So what do you do when the other one is snoring so loud, so off key, and so irregular that you cannot get anywhere near sleep?
I have tried just lying there and ignoring it. But that doesn’t work. All I do is let the steam build as I flip back and forth sleepless in Greensboro. She just continues to enjoy her purring.
I have tried quietly clearing my throat. That doesn’t work either. It starts out quietly, progressively getting slightly louder, eventually ending up sounding like I am coughing up a hair ball. It produces slight changes in her rhythm and some volume reduction for a moment or two. But then she is back to full force purring.
Finally… and I do mean finally, I nudge her just a touch. The results are akin to what the angel Michael said (in the movie Michael) when he saw the bull: she lifts her head and says something that means “Battle!” It is followed by staunch denials of snoring, even to the point of saying: “I can’t be snoring, I am awake.” Sure you are now but you should have heard yourself a moment ago. Do you see the places on the wall where the paint is chipped? Men, it does NOT help to make that comment either. I have even used the nudge ploy to wake her enough to ask very lovingly: “Dear, are the ear plugs over there?” Battle!!!
I have awakened many mornings only to find that Shirley was sleeping in another room. When asked why she doesn’t kindly say: “I wanted to read some more and I knew the light would keep you awake. Noooooooo. She just gives me her “signature” look, says: “Why do you think?” and I understand that I was snoring too loudly. I say why didn’t you wake me and she replies I tried several times. Guess what, I don’t remember any of it.
Yes, this Scripture is a stretch and it is an eisegesis not an exegesis. Shirley and I have been happily married over 49 years. We have had a lot of fun times together. We haven’t had all that much materially, but we have had each other and family. The majority of our lives have been filled with hard work, study, and laughter. We love to laugh and we love each other. I don’t think we have ever had a real argument…. we pick at one another for fun’s sake but we don’t get angry and say things we can’t take back.
Do I love her purring? No. It keeps me awake. Does she love my snoring. No. It keeps her awake. So what do we do. If it bothers us so much whoever is purred upon goes to another room and realizes that this stuff happens in life… get over it, get some sleep, and laugh about it tomorrow morning.
Dear Lord, I know a lot of people who snore and purr. I know a lot of people who have habits that push other people’s buttons. I know people who can’t stand to be in the room with someone else. We all rattle the walls with our imperfections. Help us not to take them or ourselves so seriously that we allow this to mess up our lives or the lives of someone else. Help us to lie down in green pastures, beside the still waters, knowing that you hold us in the palm of your hand. In and through Jesus. Amen.
P.S. Steve really does SNORE and after a while it lulls me to sleep. I very rarely punch him to make him stop. Ah, the sounds of love.