Voicemail in Heaven

“I love the Lord, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live”
(Psalm 116:1–2 NIV).

What if God ran heaven like a business and installed voicemail? It might sound something like this:

Thank you for calling heaven. Please select one of the following options:

  • Press 1 for thanksgiving.
  • Press 2 for complaints.
  • Press 3 for requests.
  • Press 4 for all other inquiries.
  • [Press any number]

I’m sorry; all of our angels are busy helping other saints right now. However, your prayer is important to us, and we will answer it in the order in which it was received. Please hold for the next available angel.

If you would like to speak to the Father, press 1. For the Son, press 2. For the Spirit, press 3. If you would like to hear a Psalm while you are holding, press 4. To find a loved one residing in heaven, press 5, then enter his or her Social Security number followed by the pound sign. If you get a negative response, please hang up and try area code 666.

To make a reservation for heaven, please enter J-O-H-N-3-1-6. For answers to nagging questions about dinosaurs, the age of the earth, life on other planets, and where Noah’s Ark is, please wait until you arrive.

If you are unable to reach one of our angels, please hang up and try again tomorrow.

This office will be closed for the weekend to observe the Sabbath. Please pray again on Monday after 9:00 a.m. Eastern Time. If you need emergency assistance, please contact your local pastor.

Can you imagine this? No one would pray. Thank God—yes, I mean thank Him—that He gives us direct access. All the time. Remember that God hears genuine prayer, even when He’s quiet.

Father, thank You, thank You, that I have direct access to You. I’ve so often taken it for granted, but it is a supreme privilege to connect with You directly when I pray.

 Grace and Peace



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