The Journey

We need to set this in the context of the whole Gospel message, which tells us that we all have been created for life with God. We are like branches that need to be nourished by the main vine. And if we become detached, we begin to wither and die. We cannot be who we’re supposed to be on our own. But we try. Oh, how we try!

Some of us try to do it by making money and possessions and the thing we call “security” our number one priority. There is nothing wrong with money and possessions in themselves, but we tend to put all our trust in them to make our life worthwhile. And it never works. Some of us try to do it through the exercise of control over other people. It gives us a temporary sense of power, but it’s always temporary and, ultimately, self-defeating. Some of us try to do it with excessive alcohol or drug abuse, and we experience a temporary high, but it’s always temporary — and then comes the crash.

There is a beautiful, true story about a woman who was preparing to sell her house. She had her seventy-seven-year-old mother and some others come in to help get the place ready for showing to prospective buyers. The mother was one of those “take-charge” persons, and she started by organizing the work, giving orders, telling everyone what to do. In the afternoon she went out in the yard with her seventy-four-year-old sister to rake leaves. She began raking up a storm while the sister worked at a milder pace. Finally, the older woman shouted over her shoulder, “Annie, if there’s anything I can’t stand it’s a lazy person.” Annie leaned very gracefully on her rake and replied, “Edna, did you ever stop to think that if there’s anything a lazy person can’t stand, it’s you?” There are a lot of us like that. Ego-driven, we tear around like spoiled over-achievers, trying to get everybody to do things our way, trying to be in control and, in the process, making life miserable for those around us. We may accomplish some good things, but because we are so ego-driven most of the good ultimately drains away. Worst of all, many of us, like the Pharisees, turn our praying and our worship and our good works into this ego-structure. We continually try to justify ourselves before God and man.

The only power that is great enough to break through that ego-structure — to bring us to our senses and free us from the bondage of our ego-centeredness — is the power of God in Jesus Christ. We need to experience the power of God’s Love to discover our true worth as human persons. Apart from God, we cannot be our true self. Apart from God, we cannot give our consent to the good life that makes everything worthwhile.

“God shows His love for us in that while we were yet sinners Christ died for us,” Paul has written. This will become real to us only if we open our inner-space by renouncing the things in life that will not allow God’s Love to break through. When we let go in this way, God is there.

And so, we pray: Lord, help us to see how caught up we really are in our own ego-driven life-style. We have become so good at it that we can’t see it anymore. Open our heart to your example of humility that we may break free to see you in our midst. Amen.

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Tonight I ran dry as dust. I just couldn’t think of a thing to write. So, I just need to pray.

Most merciful and compassionate God,
Giver of Life and Love,
hear our prayers
and let our cries come unto you.
We weep with your people 
We hear the cries of orphaned children and laments of bereaved parents
We feel the desperation of those searching for loved ones
We behold the silence of vanished villages.
We see the devastation.
We are overwhelmed by the enormity of it all.
Our hearts are hushed, our minds are numb.
Let not our hands be stopped, our voices dumb.

God of the universe,
Open our hearts to feel your compassion
Galvanize in us the act of continued giving
Bond us to our sisters and brothers in need
Comfort and heal the injured, the bereaved, the lost
Strengthen the aid workers and medical personnel
Bolster the resolve of governments and those with power to help
Open through this tragedy pathways to partnerships and peace
In Your Name of mercy and healing and compassion we pray. Amen

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I was watching the news reports and interviews with this lady in the Bahamas who was so emotional she could hardly breathe. She kept saying: “It was indescribable. No one can tell you what it was like. It was like seeing hell.” I am surprised this lady didn’t have a heart attack. Being asked what do you need, everyone says: “We need everything… from A to Z, cause we have lost everything. We need help. We need help.” It is estimated there are 75,000 people in need in Bahama right now. The Bahamian health minister reports that the death toll has risen to 30, but he expects it to rise too much greater numbers.

I can’t seem to get these pictures out of my mind. They are, indeed, most indescribable. I just stare at them in shocking amazement that such destruction can happen… where nothing is left. And I can’t imagine wind gusts up to 250 mph… How do you escape that? It does my heart good to see our Coast Guard flying those life saving choppers, taking those in the most medical need to emergency medical care on the main island. They are making many trips each day… and saving many lives. Semper Paratus!

A man in Florida (who wants to remain anonymous) spent almost $50,000 on generators and supplies for the Bahamas saying: “I couldn’t just sit here and do nothing when I can get up and do something.”

Samaritan’s Purse is sending planes to the Bahamas taking hospital supplies and equipment to meet the critical medical needs.

The famous Italian chef, Massimo Bottura, is taking food to the Bahamas to feed those in need at no cost to them. He states: “It is absolutely necessary to give back some of the luck in the life you’re living. So feeding the poor is about giving back. It is what we need. We need dreams. If you don’t dream and you don’t dream big, you know, you cannot change the world.”

My heart is so warmed by these giving, caring people stepping up to make a difference. They dream big… and if we all join them with our little bit… altogether it is the big dream which will change the world.

The devastation is indescribable… the way back is indescribable… but the love of God in God’s people is more indescribable than all the rest. The biggest dream of all… the one that will change the world is God’s people joining hearts to care for God’s people all over the world.

And so, I Pray: Lord, you know the need, the hurt, the emptiness and lostness these people feel. Take us, who claim to be your people, and use us to dream big and lift up the needy people of the world. Put that burning desire in our hearts which pushes us to be the Samaritain in the world today. Get us up and use us. Amen

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I seem to be almost to the point where I just don’t want to watch the Evening News… it all seems so devastating and depressing. Tonight we are still watching the Dorian tract… hoping and praying that our family and friends, indeed all people are safe from any more destruction. I look back at the Bahamas which has lost so much to this monster hurricane. Their islands look like a trash dump… after Dorian just sat there and spun its disastrous havoc… destroying everything in sight. My heart is broken for them. I can’t imagine what they are feeling. They must feel lost, abandoned, and alone.

I watched Norah O’Donnell tonight interviewing some of the survivors of this disaster. One young man watched his young son washed away by the flood waters… with his hands reaching toward his dad. My heart broke. An older couple told about their home saying “It was all gone. Nothing is left, nothing.” His wife cried as she said (pointing to her soiled dress) “I’ve had this on for four days.” I look at this and feel almost in shock at the mass scale of this disaster. The pictures look out across the landscape and there seems to be total destruction everywhere you look. Everything is destroyed.

The Prime Minister of the Bahamas, Hubert Minnis said the other day: “It was like war and the enemy had all the weapons and we had none.” He broke down in tears addressing a news conference, calling it “probably the most sad and worst day of my life.”

Now switch that 185 mph wind and 18 to 23 feet of storm water surge to your home town – to your neighborhood. I wonder what we would have left. Certainly we build our structures to withstand 150 mph winds (as the Bahamians did) but I doubt many would pay the difference to build to withstand 185 – 200 mph winds and the associated water of a storm like this.

Perhaps we should do as the Prime Minister said: “We can pray.” And so, I pray: O Lord, I do not pray that you will keep me safe and just save those poor people. I pray that you will not leave our hearts alone until we get actively involved in helping people in the Bahamas who now have no homes, family members lost or deceased, and people wondering about their own existence. Help us reach out the hand of compassion and mercy to help our brothers and sisters. Amen.

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The other day, the day we hoped to be leaving Hotel California (Cone Hospital) in walked one my cousins. We grew up together in small visits and summer stays with our Mama Martin. They lived next door. I remember on Sundays we would always play the game in season. Football in the Vaughn’s side yard. Baseball in the field across the street, and basketball after they put up a goal. Four boys who always meant a great deal to me. Jimmy, Billy, Kenny and Ricky… great group of guys. Then you add Lonnie and Johnny and you have a fabulous group of kids.

Kenny Sechrist walked into my room with a smile on his face and hope in his heart. We talked about several things: Duke (he is an Iron Duke), family, ancestors, the VA in Kernersville, and my other cousin’s back problems. He was a very welcomed surprise… and put a smile on my face.

Each year in December we have a Sechrist/Martin reunion. It is so good to get to see them each year. I have to add three ladies Peggy Sechrist and Alicia Martin Cassidy (cousins) and Ethel Sechrist (wife of a cousin) who is the same as a cousin. All these people are very special to me even though we don’t see each other that often. They keep me in touch with Madison-Mayodan: The church, the towns, the people and many wonderful memories.

Ken’s visit said he cared. But more than that it said maybe I need to get out of my cocoon and make some visits myself. Not only to my my cousins but others who may need to hear that I care.

And so I pray: Lord, I do thank you for having such people as cousins and friends from the past who lift me up and let me know they care by their presence. Help me to take up that same path – visiting those who may need to know that someone cares. Amen.

My brother, Phil had bladder surgery today to remove four tumors. They could not surgically remove them. However they burned them out, filled the bladder with chemo, drained the bladder after about an hour, and sent him home. He is not a happy camper right now. Remember him and Emily in your prayers.

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When you’re hungry what type of food do you eat? What’s your favorite food that satisfies a deep craving you may have? Is it sweet, crunchy, salty or creamy? After you’ve eaten it, how long do you feel satisfied? When I am really hungry I open the cupboards and look for a jar of unsalted peanuts. Several handfuls of this snack food often satisfies my physical hunger when I have gone too long without eating any food. What do you turn to when you have a deeper emotional or spiritual hunger inside?

In Psalm 81:10 God says to the writer “Open your mouth wide and I will fill it with good things.”Later in verse 16 God is saying “But I would feed you with the best of foods. I would satisfy you with wild honey from the rock.”

In this Psalm, God is saying that if we turn to Him and follow His ways that He will take care of our needs. When we have a deep, deep need to be satisfied He does not want us to try to meet that need by going to the refrigerator and eating any food that might temporarily meet what we think is physical hunger. He wants us to go to Him to meet what really may be a spiritual need. God wants us to have the “best of foods.” Peanuts, a piece of cake or a bowl of ice cream do little to satisfy an emotional or spiritual need. Only God can do that, as these verses tell us.

The Hebrew word for ‘rock’ used in verse 16 of Psalm 81 is sur meaning a place of security and safety. That’s what God wants to be for us. When we need a place of security or safety He wants to be that place for us. When we are stressed over a life situation and are looking to feed the temporary emotions like loneliness, fear or pain, God does not want us to turn to physical foods to be satisfied. He wants us to turn to Him. He wants to “feed” us in a way that really satisfies our deep needs.

The next time you have a deep need because of a situation or event in your life, try turning to God. Put on a favorite CD or plug in your MP3 player and listen to songs that remind you of God’s nature. Open up the Bible  and read your favorite scriptures. Read some other material that helps you understand God better. Or consider getting down on your knees and pouring out your heart to Him in a deep and meaningful way. Give God a chance and see if He won’t meet that deep ‘hunger.’ He is waiting for you.

And so, I pray: Lord, sometimes I feel like I am just about on empty and need to be refueled deep inside. Let me know that I am always wrapped in your loving arms and always being fed by your mana from heaven. Help me to be satisfied with that grace you give me each day. Amen.

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“Home Sweet Home” is much more than a saying that looks great on a plaque. Much more than ain’t that sweet. Much more than a house. It really revolves around family, love, respect, growing together in a covenant of trust, faith and support. To me, we have grown from a young (immature) wife and husband, to parents (mom and dad) who now have this wonderfully scary adventure of raising, protecting, teaching life to this brand new human being we call our son.

I was the one who had the steepest learning curve about raising a son. Shirley had it all down pat. Stephen has always been a creative soul who found new ways to unlock the front door on Saturday mornings (age 3) and go out in the snow in his PJ’s. A couple of times we heard a knock on the door by a neighbor who had Stephen by the hand – bringing him home in his wet PJ’s. The lock was at the top of the door. So, he would get a chair, put a hassock on the chair and something else to get him high enough to get the door unlocked.

We grew with that little creative spirit through all kinds of emotional wins and losses. Especially when he finally met that special person who came to watch him, her dad and brother play church softball. Every night she would be there with her Golden Retriever. Finally, her brother said to Stephen: “You should date my sister.” So he did and his life was changed forever. And so was ours. They have two wonderful kids that have brought renewed joy to our lives. We are truly blessed by this family.

Allow me to share with you what the experience of family has meant to me. I had just had heart by-pass surgery. I woke up in the old Cone ICU on morphine. The only thing that divided you from everyone else and the noise of all those machines and constant light was a curtain. I was mostly unconscious or in a great fog. The third day in ICU I got ICU Psychosis… I thought the nurses were trying to kill me. I would refuse medicines, food, and even crimp my IV tube until the machine started beeping. That evening, when the surgeon came in, I called him over to whisper to him that they were trying to kill me.

Dr. Gerhardt had me disconnected from all the ICU monitors and had me moved to the old 29 step-down unit. When they rolled me in the room, hooked me up, Shirley came in and closed the door behind her. I simply can’t describe the feeling of comfort and peace I felt. Shirley and that room was home to me. She stayed with me that night, and I can never repay the debt I own her for the covenant of family she shared with me that night. She brought with her love and peace. I knew I was safe in that room with her.

She has been with me all along in our journey. Praying for me every night when I was in Vietnam, listening to thousands of sermons, and loving me through all my blunders and insensitive actions. The covenant of family is to always make sure “Love Grows Here.”

And so, I pray: O Lord, there is no way I can thank you enough for giving me such a wonderful family that is filled with love, grace and peace. Amen.

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The old Mother Goose nursery rhyme has to do with going to the market to buy a pig. For me it is not a carriage, a long boat or fishing gear. Mine is one little obscure definition in Webster’s which calls it a “spot.” I am back in my spot – much as Sheldon Cooper claims his spot… the perfect place. I added the thought of dancing a jig… a celebration of something special – the Irish Jig. It was celebrating my coming home after thirteen days in the hospital… back to my spot.

Well, the Pillsbury Dough Boy lost over 30 pounds in those 13 days… mostly fluid, and became stronger – able to walk greater distances at a little more rapid pace. Before, I couldn’t walk more than 25 yards without feeling weak and out of breath. Now we are walking the hall (greater than 25 yards) three or four times a day. I am not ready for the olympics but I am a lot better.

I have had great teams of doctors; Internal Medicine at Cone lead by Dr. Tom Vincent, Dr. Steven Klein, the electrophysiologist and his team, and Dr. Dalton McLean and his cardiology heart failure team. They looked at every angle and tried every protocol they could to get my numbers in a better ratio. I had many bags of IV Potassium and IV Lasix, plus taking all sorts of meds – some newly added and some old-time favorites. They will be designing a protocol for treatment at home. These doctors are good teachers, compassionate docs and good listeners. The docs and their teams made these thirteen days much more tolerable. And the nurses have been fabulous.

Dr. Vincent did say that a couple of cans of Campbell’s Chicken Noodle soup (a salt factory) will get me right back in the old – bad numbers. Therefore, I am on a low sodium diet (1200MG daily). That is going to be a tough one because that means that most of what I eat must be homemade from fresh vegetables and low or no sodium items. It looks like most of my going out to eat days are over. I have looked over the menus at several restaurants only to find they love that sodium. If you know of any recipes for low sodium meals or items, please let me know.

I do want to thank all of you for holding Shirley and me in your daily prayers. It really does make a difference. Keep praying that we can meet the requirements of this diet with a positive attitude and good success.

And so, I pray: Lord, thank you for the calling and training of people like Dr. Vincent, Dr. Klein, Dr. McLain and their teams… people who really care. Help me to do the right things, follow the protocols designed for my better health, and keep up with the exercise regiment needed to produce a stronger heart. Amen.

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The Hotel California lyrics stay with me. Believe me, I have already checked out, but I can’t leave. I have looked at the locked doors on each end of the hallway, even tried to bribe the lady picking up the breakfast trays – could I fit in her cart with doors closed? If so, that sounded reasonable till my nurse saw me staring at the cart said: “They don’t drive those things very well. You’ll be banged up against walls, doors and who knows what else. You’ll never survive.”

My heart failure doc is talking with my electrophysiologist to say that he believes the extra lead from my pacer is needed to make my heart more efficient in pulling off the fluids – making the heart works better. So, some of the decision about me hanging around here will have to do with when, or if, that procedure should be done at this time, and will the oral diuretics work well enough to get most of the fluid off.

All of this stuff has made me so much more in awe of those people in our congregations who have spent many more days in the hospital than this wimpy soul. I think about a young man in Asheboro who was diagnosed with a rare stomach cancer. His oncologist told him that his treatment would take him to hell and back… and it did. He spent three weeks unconscious in the ICU. After about six months he died at home.

I also think of Dana at Pleasant Garden UMC who has been through years and years of hospitals, procedures and clinical trials. But she is a fighter who is the energizer bunny. I believe she has been in Duke hospital so much that she has her own room. These people and many others have been through the mill. Some have been through hell and back several times… and yet they fight, with a positive attitude and great faith. I honor them all and wish I was as patient and positive as they always seem to be. Each has been and continues to be an inspiration to us all.

And so, I pray: Lord, look upon this wimpy, whiney soul with mercy. Help me be strong in my weakness, positive in my doubt, and uplifting in my living before all people. Amen.

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I was very appreciative that Pastor Mark came by again today. We always have a good time visiting. While he was here, he asked: “Do you know when you are going some?” My reply has become the usual one these days: “The doc says maybe tomorrow.” Ha! Ha! Ha! He had the perfect come back. He said it is kinda like the Eagles song Hotel California. It says “You can check out any time you like. You just can never leave!” How very appropriate that is for what the docs say every day… “Maybe tomorrow???”

This is the way I must look when the docs say “maybe tomorrow.” At least, that is the way I feel.

They have reduced my weight by 30 pounds, reprogramed my Pacemaker, stopped IV Potassium, and wrapped my lower legs in the unna-boots. All of this has moved me toward a discharge date that is sooner rather than later. All that being said – maybe, just maybe tomorrow will be the date I not only can check out – but actually leave.

Martha asked if there was a little sarcasm in my statement about the food. You bet ya… there was plenty. Each meal arrives cold except for what is supposed to be cold. They left the taste somewhere else ’cause it sure wasn’t included. However, I must defend them. Can you imagine having to prepare somewhere around 300 meals that are delivered to at least five different floors, in several sections of the hospital, and get the food delivered warm? I personally find it almost impossible to fix an over-medium egg without breaking the yellow. Probably a 50/50 chance of getting something worth eating. So, I have to be a little forgiving – I could never attempt to do what they do.

Perhaps today you can play Hotel California and smile, knowing that those words and that tune is stuck in my little pea brain.

And so, I pray: Lord, you know that patients I asked you to help me acquire? Well, I need another dose. I think the other one is about to run out. Put a smile on my face and hope in my heart, and help me not only to check out, but to actually be able to leave Cone Hospital. (Today). Amen.

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