But Still I Can’t Leave

The Hotel California lyrics stay with me. Believe me, I have already checked out, but I can’t leave. I have looked at the locked doors on each end of the hallway, even tried to bribe the lady picking up the breakfast trays – could I fit in her cart with doors closed? If so, that sounded reasonable till my nurse saw me staring at the cart said: “They don’t drive those things very well. You’ll be banged up against walls, doors and who knows what else. You’ll never survive.”

My heart failure doc is talking with my electrophysiologist to say that he believes the extra lead from my pacer is needed to make my heart more efficient in pulling off the fluids – making the heart works better. So, some of the decision about me hanging around here will have to do with when, or if, that procedure should be done at this time, and will the oral diuretics work well enough to get most of the fluid off.

All of this stuff has made me so much more in awe of those people in our congregations who have spent many more days in the hospital than this wimpy soul. I think about a young man in Asheboro who was diagnosed with a rare stomach cancer. His oncologist told him that his treatment would take him to hell and back… and it did. He spent three weeks unconscious in the ICU. After about six months he died at home.

I also think of Dana at Pleasant Garden UMC who has been through years and years of hospitals, procedures and clinical trials. But she is a fighter who is the energizer bunny. I believe she has been in Duke hospital so much that she has her own room. These people and many others have been through the mill. Some have been through hell and back several times… and yet they fight, with a positive attitude and great faith. I honor them all and wish I was as patient and positive as they always seem to be. Each has been and continues to be an inspiration to us all.

And so, I pray: Lord, look upon this wimpy, whiney soul with mercy. Help me be strong in my weakness, positive in my doubt, and uplifting in my living before all people. Amen.

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