Lord, I need a double-dose of hope today. Not that pie-in-the-sky kind promised by the charlatan preachers on television. Not even a pretty-sure guess. I need the real kind of hope that brings lightness to a heavy day.
I am tired of gritting my teeth, trying to swallow the pain that is my reality. When I look back on my life, I see how you have walked faithfully with me through all sorts of times and circumstances. I remember a time in Vietnam, an Easter Sunday in 1968, when we fought a battle on hill 881. This is just not the way to celebrate Easter. That afternoon, as I sat on the crest of that hill with the battle won, I remember looking at all the dead North Vietnamese soldiers laying around me. And for some unknown reason saying to you: “Lord, I’ve seen enough. I want to go home.” What arrogance on my part, even though it was a deep, deep hope. The strange thing was that within three days I was in the hospital in Japan.
There were moment I though you had forgotten me… maybe it was more like I forgot You? Those were the times I had forgotten to notice that you were holding me close. And so, if stubborn pain and lack of energy refuse to subside for a while, I will still whisper your name.
And so I pray: Lord, refocus my mind on you ’cause in you I find my real hope. Amen.